Page 672. "You are the Beloved, you searched for, your whole life." Reading this does nothing. Knowledge does nothing. Knowing...Realization...aah! That is something. How to reach that state. Nobody can give it to me. i cannot acquire it like any possession of mine. There is really no way. Then why the longing followed by regret. Leave me be. Unless you can give it to me, why trouble my poor soul?
Page 668. This question may be unconnected but it is evoked by this page. Often you find someone very manipulative in your life, and a great liar, distorting facts in order to follow some agenda of his/her own. This agenda may be very complex and rooted essentially in that person's insecurity. When he/she is unable to deal with his/her own complexes and goes out to harm you and your relationships with other people and this is violence against another human. what should one do? Even though i understand the backdrop of insecurity in this person, why should i allow my peace to be disturbed. Can one remove this person from one's life and walk a path which doesn't cross them OR because i decide to be spiritual, i must be goody-goody and suffer in silence? Is not self preservation of the state of this body and the peace of this mind, which is mine, my first duty? Self-interest is my dharma, then come other people. If this body or mind gets diseased how will i have the strength to achieve my total potential. Please don't say - be good, do good. This is what society says. But society itself is unnatural and in dis-ease. I'm terribly confused.
Page 658. Yes. Therefore there should be no inhibitions when one speaks. One learns so much about oneself. Although sometimes silences too are required.....
Firdaus is a really beautiful narration and story . Wish i could write poetry as amazing as this. Trying to learn urdu....after coming across Firdaus.
Page 655. Why did the Murshid choose Mauluddin for His benevolence? What was special about Mauluddin that wasn't there in other people - e.g. Mehrunissa, Ahmed, Behram, Mauluddin's friend etc etc?
Page 646. Why do we people go on perpetuating and believing lies like this? Nothing like this ever happens. Illusions all. Our state of drunkenness and absorbtion in certain matters - we create 'miracles' and believe in them because without 'beliefs' we stand alone. And Alone is a dangerous and frightening state. Requires courage.
Page 607. Aage kya hua. Please bata do.....Sigh!! Life is so stressful if it doesn't reach some conclusion. Incomplete threads - so many. Its like hanging from a cliff....for ever and ever
Page 599. "...he had drunk that fateful cup of tea." A small action, a small decision to share that cup of tea with a stranger changed Mauluddin's life. 5 years ago, a similar happening, when i sent a book as a gift to 2 unconnected people, one of whom was Dr Abdul Kalam. ( i haven't been able to answer Why?) Both replied with similar return gifts, but the other stole my heart and destined to be my Murshid. I often was upset with my Master, because the journey causes pain. He relied "you started it. the responsibility is yours. No Master ever interferes in another's mind, thoughts, energies without the permission." But once tasted this nectar from a Master, there is absolutely NO going back. Can't. So beautifully BT says "You are free to not be free." Beautifully worded page. Brings back remembrances....
Page 578. At tiring times like this, the hurt against one's Master is a very human reaction. If Mauluddin would entertain any doubts - is this my Master, is He a Master at all, would the Master drop him for lack of adequate love and faith for the Master like any other ordinary human being?
The poetry in this story is the most amazing. I can understand the english translation only which is equally rivetting. One day, i too will be able to understand these fantastic verses directly....and maybe write my own too. May the sorrow continue. No beauty, no poetry arises out of happiness.....longing and anguish is the seed for all beauty and poetry.
Page 544. As i read BT story and Umsi's comment on this page, after a longish break, i begin to understand how deep and powerful an insight this is. What goes to the very depth of my being are BT's words " the responsibility for our own deepest choice ". Umsi's comments on this " When you become more aware, more conscious of your own choice, you take responsibility and do not feel like a 'victim' of anything." Can anything be said more beautifully. The whole of life's sorrows can be wrapped up in this. Thank you, BT and the voice of BT in Uma.
Thank you, Umsi, my saviour. Its only because of your interpretations of BT's words that i can sometimes move on with the story. Yes, i know this - all pains and hurts are egos. At such moments, something seems to come close and then move away like quicksilver - something i'm not able to catch. Practically speaking, at the peak of intense pain, what can i SUDDENLY do to dive in - i'm not able to grasp this elusive something. And what about the deepest, greatest, most heart rending, the mother of all sorrows and aches - the separation from the Master. Would one put it in same category as all pains and egos? How can one convert the yearning for the Master which, in fact, is actually a yearning for that own seed within us waiting to flower, into the purpose for which the yearning and pain exists. Sigh !! Too long sentence formation. Hope my garbled way is still somewhat coherent. I read your post again and yes, beautifully worded. Every time i have pain, i promise you, i will locate that hidden, subtle ego.
Page 544 - Over the years, I have come to understand this experientially, that when something painful happens/ something I resist, dislike, it is only to show me something about myself which i need to look at and thereby become free of. 'Ego hides in your resistance' says Bharat. As you take a deeper responsibility for your own freedom, your own joy, you stop 'fighting' so much with what is happening (its just the material to show you who you are) and dive into the 'insight' it holds for you. In this case, Mauluddin has somewhere chosen to be free. His own larger choice of THAT does not 'allow' the universe to support his attachment to Firdaus.When you become more aware, more conscious of your own choice, you take responsibility and do not feel like a 'victim' of anything. This is what Ustadji is pointing to. Just sharing what I got from it:)
Page 545. Yes, i know this 'bitterness' - more of a disbelief that the Beloved has 'dumped' you. One keeps denying it, the presence of it makes one feel a little guilty too -- so it is buried. Yet you know the bitterness against your Master's action in cutting off the kite-string to you exists...what to do now?
Page 544. Sigh ! I'm sorry, BT. I haven't understood which 'truth' Ustadji is refering to. And which 'responsibility'. Please, if You or anyone else can, do elaborate at this juncture.
Page 541. I don't believe all this -- this pain will set you free. Free from what? When i don't see my bondages, what do i want to be free from? All Masters speak this language - they just speak. Hrmphhh. And what if i too, like Maulludin, DON'T want to be free. I too just want to be with my Master. Always. This separation is killing. I don't like it. Do we show a sweet to our children and tease and trouble them by taking it away? We don't. Then why do Masters tease us. If You show us a glimpse of something beautiful, give it. If You can. Hrmphhhh again.
Page 539. Once again it happens. I read this page after having already commented on the previous page. The hair begin to prickle as i gaze upon this page and the comments and unsaid questions in my previous post....what is the best way to 'live' thru this, BT? One can fall in any direction - down in total despair of madness or fall up into grace. What determines which direction one will fall/rise? Will the Master come now, to hold Maulludin's hand OR will He allow Maulludin to swim by himself, not caring whether he floats or drowns, whether he goes downstream or upstream?
Page 536-537. I cry with Maulludin. And then i wonder - maybe there is much i have to learn. If i cry at what is obviously a story, how will i detach from the the story that is mine and look at it as just what it is - another story. As 'unreal' as Maulludin's story. At the same time, i am conscious of the fact that this story has pain, feelingly and beautifully etched, which must have been experienced by the author, Bharat, too. Does this mean that one can't reach anywhere unless its thru scorching pain? Are there no flowers on the way. Many moons ago, i had laughed in my Master's face and said, 'this journey is fun. It needen't be pain.' He was silent. I now know why.
Page 533. At times like this it is VERY, VERY difficult to find gratitude / surrender / love for the Master. The only thing which i can see is darkness, an abyss and despair. There seems to be no room for anything else. The hardest thing is when the Master pushes you away from the nest. How can one see light at such moments? And how can one find the wings to fly?
